books, writings, shoes & nudes

rules.

Written by

Lindsey

in

  • Always pee after sex.
  • Don’t wear sweatpants in public.
  • Text your friends you made it home.
  • Shave your armpits…everyone.
  • Shave your downstairs, no one wants to go diving into Chewbacca.
  • Fuck yourself daily.
  • Drink water.
  • Don’t be nice to people who annoy you. You will regret it.
  • Try new things.
  • Don’t get attached to anything.
  • Don’t get married, it’s a trap.
  • Elope. Weddings are a waste.
  • Kids ruin everything.
  • Vacation often even if you can’t afford it.
  • Don’t save yourself for marriage, you’ll miss out on prime sex years. Prime experimental sex years.
  • Never forget your birth control.
  • Spit, don’t swallow. No man is worth that.
  • Try all genders.
  • Learn self-defense
  • Choose violence sooner rather than later.
  • Don’t do hard drugs.
  • Admit to nothing.
  • Don’t let anyone sleep in your bed.
  • Sleep naked.
  • Go skinny dipping.
  • Trust no one unless you have dirt on them.
  • Send nudes, but never show face.
  • Keep all dirty photos of exes for blackmail.
  • If someone threatens suicide to hurt you, hand them the knife and tell them to take it outside.
  • Don’t stay in a relationship more than 3 months and you will always be “the one that got away”.
  • Shave your head.
  • Travel the moment you’re legal.
  • Nothing last forever.
  • Believe you are the smartest person in the room, and you will be.
  • People don’t roofie soda.
  • Don’t give too much of yourself to anyone.
  • Always have a run away fund.
  • Keep your own secrets.
  • Go to therapy.
  • Fuck all your friends’ dads.
  • Fuck all your exes’ dads.
  • Don’t be late.
  • Don’t say the “R” word
  • Assume not everyone loves your pets.

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