he didn’t deserve it.

He was a garbage human and in hindsight, he didn’t deserve it.

But in that moment. He got to experience it. I’m not sure if he even knew it was the rawest moment for me.

It was a random afternoon. I went around the corner too fast, slipped on a rug and came crashing down. My rib got stuck on another one and I couldn’t move. I knew I needed to stand up quickly to pop it back out, but I knew the pain would be too much and I would collapse again.

I needed him. The garbage human who didn’t deserve the moment.

I called to the Alexa to call him. He answered. He was supposed to be at work, I’m sure he wasn’t. But he came running to help me.

I laid on the floor, helpless and dependent on a man. Because of the hands of another man. Neither one deserved me helpless.

He got there and I told him what was about to happen. He didn’t deserve it. I need you to catch me, I said. I’m going to stand up, but I will collapse from the sudden pain and I need you to catch me. He didn’t deserve my need. He braced himself and got ready.

I stood, the pain so bad, I collapsed immediately. He caught me, he didn’t deserve to catch me. His arms wrapped around me, holding me. I got so dizzy. Violently vomitted from the pain all over myself and his arms. I was mortified, helpless, vulnerable, raw. Sobbing and curled into a ball. I was a shell of a human in the most composing position in my life. Completely Broken by a man being held and comforted by another broken man. Covered in my own filth. He didn’t deserve it. We laid on the ground still, raw, in the bottom of this relationship. Completely exposed…he didn’t deserve to be part of that moment but he did experience it.