lindsey never chose lindsey

(Trigger warning, this writing is about murder.)

Lindsey never left him. He proposed. “Well, I guess we should do this.” She never said yes. She knew she needed to say no, but Lindsey never chose Lindsey. He didn’t notice she never said yes. Lindsey wouldn’t say no, Lindsey never chooses Lindsey.

He comes home from work early the next day. She had just gotten out of the shower. She didn’t know he was home, she would have toweled up the water on the floor if she knew.

She stared at the ugly gold ring on the scratched dresser. Lindsey didn’t put the ring on. She wasn’t ready.

He startled her. “Hey Moo Moo,” while the sweet words came out of his mouth smoothly, she turned to him.

He’s in a good mood. Today is a good day. She coached herself.

He noticed the ring in the same spot it had been when he left 8 hours ago. 8 hours too long. “Something wrong with my ring?”

“my ring..” It’s his ring Lindsey is supposed to have on her finger.

Lindsey blinked those rebellious threatening thoughts away.

The silent-treatment-torture-timer had begun. That all too familiar dark cloud covering the hell that resembled a one bedroom apartment. He left the room. She tried to save herself, but the air cleared ever so slightly as he left. She stole a tiny exhale; knowing it would be the last ounce of peace she would be getting tonight.

Suddenly interrupted by the sharp cut of words.Words grabbing ahold of her throat.

“What the fuck is this?”

Lindsey never chose Lindsey.

She met her fate in that tiny one bedroom apartment on the third floor.

The water she never toweled up. She immediately got on her knees. Lindsey never chose Lindsey. He grabbed her by the hair to get a better angle for her to see him, then to see the floor. Lindsey, his hand tight in her hair, saw him, heard him.

Lindsey saw the floor, then the side of the tub, then the blood. Lindsey saw the blood, the side of the tub, then him. Lindsey saw him, the blood, the side of the tub, the floor until Lindsey saw no more.

Lindsey never chose Lindsey.

Lindsey. Never. Chose. Lindsey.

12.2.21