he’s still in there, but i’m not.

I saw his dark blue eyes, they were the same as they always were. They’re missing the passion and the spark, but they’re the same eyes I looked into when I said “I do”.

It’s hard to find him, but he’s still in there. I married him because he was my definition of a “man”. No toxic masculinity or beta energy. Just simple good human energy. He cared about the people in his orbit. I loved that.

He talked about all the things in his little world. Tame compared to mine. I listen,, searching for the glimpse of him lost in a sea of memories. I can find him. The him I needed then. I needed to walk down the aisle, I needed that to happen. I can find him in between words, but there is no trace of me.

I no longer see who I am in the same eyes of who I was. The love for him so different now. Still there, but different.