hoes before bros

Some people would say marriage is a trap. Me, I am some people. Marriage is highlighted as the goal or the way of life in our society and friendship comes as a sidekick. The “love interest” can be found in almost every movie, but we do not get to meet the best friend or the group of friends in those movies. Although marriages have been around since forever, studies have found that friendships are healthier and last longer. It can be argued that marriage provides deep intimacy, but so can deep friendships. 

This topic is important because with the rapid mental health decline in America, marriage tends to support more of the negative side given the divorce rate peaked at 22.6 divorces per 1,000 married women. Making friendships be the center instead could positively help. Marriage affects everyone and has been around for centuries. It is a timeless institution. The wedding industry is a huge successful industry. While marriage is often celebrated as a cornerstone of adult life, friendship plays a more important and enduring role at the center of our lives by providing emotional support, personal growth, and a sense of belonging that transcends the formal commitments of marriage.

People believe marriage provides deep intimacy. Marriage provides legal and financial security, and the excitement of weddings tends to make people want to dive headfirst in. Dating is exciting. That adrenaline surge as your heart races. Then dopamine giving you the feeling of pleasure and reward, mixing with oxytocin that deepens bonding and intimacy; all dances around when we fall in love. Having someone propose to you makes you feel like you are the only human in the world. You were chosen. Someone chose you. Plus that gorgeous ring you get to show off on your left hand. Then that big fancy beautiful wedding that you go into debt for. Double dose of serotonin to make us really happy. It is magical. Who would not want that? Connect with one person who loves you deeply and will be your person. Marriages also provide legal and financial security, two huge pros. Two incomes in this economy are always better than one. People married can benefit from each other’s inheritance when relatives die. The tax breaks are better when you are a couple. Health insurance is cheaper and has better coverage. So many people get married specifically for the health insurance. Increased borrowing power when you need a loan. Social security benefits is a fantastic benefit later in life. If you are not good with money, but you marry someone who is, it can be very balancing for people. One partner can do the laundry and the other the dishes. Having someone to be sexually adventurous any time they consent is a huge benefit of marriage. 

When you get hitched, you not only add your partner to your family, but you also add their entire already existing family. Double holidays, double celebrations, double the gifts and love. You also have the option of creating a family of your own. Getting married also gives you the opportunity to change everything about yourself, including your name. 

Friendship is statistically healthier explained by the American Psychological Association. Friendships can provide almost all the same benefits as marriage and are so much more flexible. When it comes to friends there is less pressure to spend all your time together. You can go do your own thing for a month and come back. The friendship is still there right where you left it. There are no long-term financial agreements made. If you have a disagreement or get in a fight, you can easily find solutions. You can take a break from each other or reevaluate the friendship without having to get the law involved. Friendships provide vital social support that can buffer against stress and protect against mental health issues like depression and anxiety. Studies have shown having strong friendships has been linked to lower rates of premature death.

You can have multiple friends that bring you joy for different reasons. Friendships are built on a foundation of shared experiences, allowing for a deep understanding of each other. You can have work friends that you only interact with at your job. You can have hometown friends you see when you come back to visit. The hockey friends you get together with every Thursday from October to May. You can have friends you only see when you travel. Book club friends that only discuss the latest smut book you read. You can have internet friends all over the world that you have never met but still feel so close to. There is not a limit on the number of friends you can have. There is a legal limit on how many spouses you can have. You can be yourself with your friends. You do not have to look your best. You can snort when you laugh and there is not a fear of being abandoned. You do not have to hold in your farts until your stomach hurts for the first few months of friendship. It is a safe space, and if it is not, you can remove yourself from the friendship. Strong friendships can make you feel like you belong and are good enough. They can bring you laughter, love, and memories. When you marry someone, you are stuck in what you both agree your life is going to look like. For example, if you marry someone who is afraid of flying, you may never get to travel to Iceland with them. If you marry someone who gets a life changing condition, it is now both of your sickness. If you marry someone who develops an addiction, you now both have that addictions. Their bullshit is your bullshit. Friendship has so many backdoor escapes that marriage does not have.

Given our cultural conditioning and religious beliefs on marriages, they will not be going away any time soon. A better plan is to normalize a new way of life, such as groups of friends living in a neighborhood together or coexisting. We live with our friends. We spend most of our time with our friends. Our spouses can be people we see on the weekends or occasionally go on vacations with. Highlighting the support of platonic relationships with multiple people for multiple reasons. Normalize long distance marriages. When it comes to the legal side, marriage licenses should have an expiration date, one that you must renew every four years or its void. Just like we do the president. We could even have a second term limit considering the dreaded 7-year itch. There are so many people in the world, we should not be tied to one person for the rest of our lives. Normalize bringing friends home for the holidays and celebrating friendship anniversaries. If we switched from marriages being the goal to focusing more on our friendship, we would see the rates of sexual assault and intimate violence decrease. If we were with our friends more and not isolated at home waiting for our husbands or wives to come home, we would live safer lives. Plus friends are just way more fun.

In conclusion, although marriages are an incredibly common practice with some positives, there are benefits to having marriages take a backseat to friendships.