books, writings, shoes & nudes

Tag: divorce

  • for keeps

    There’s a box full of reminders of the memories.

    It was a beautiful day, but it wasn’t my day.

    There’s a box full of the money spent.

    White dress I hated and makeup caked on like I was auditioning for memoirs of a geisha.

    There’s a box full of obligation but not hate.

    It doesn’t taste like regret though.

    Something blue, the guarder that was too small on thick thighs.

    Something new, the white heels I loved but didn’t wear.

    Something old, Aunt Pink’s pearls, she was smaller in the neck than I was.

    There’s a box full of things that could have been, that should have been.

    Fake flowers and mini chalk boards for the pics that didn’t come out like the Pinterest picture I wanted.

    “Just married” leather jacket that was so fucking hot but the dress broke.

    There’s a box full of wedding things that sits in my parent’s garage that hasn’t been opened and hasn’t been processed.

  • calgon take me away

    Everything is changing.

    I like it.

    But it’s still change.

    Beautiful home with good smells and throw pillows that remain in the same place they were 12 hours earlier.

    But it’s still change.

    Quiet sleep with the middle of the bed being an option.

    Long showers with no one interrupting to ask if I know where the TV remote is.

    5 fucking seconds of peace and quiet.

    But it’s still change.

    New routine catered to my own self care.

    Being able to make decisions based on joy and happiness instead of traumatic based fear.

    But it’s still change.

    Scary

    And exciting.

    But it’s still change.

  • dear lindsey

    We did it right. Whatever it was, we did it right. Mistakes have always made life fun & interesting. Our personality so adaptable.

    We made the correct choice. I know sometimes you get confused and lonely, but this won’t be for forever.

    I know you’re scared pretty girl. We’ve always been afraid of the dark and the unknown. He was good practice for being the protector. For being the one that has to save us. This is the real thing now. We can do this. We can take care of ourself. It’s what we’ve been training for. You’ll be ok. You’re the strongest girl I know. We’ve been alone like this once before. We sooth ourself and made ourself feel better. This is no different. We didn’t make a mistake. We chose this path with our eyes wide open. You don’t need the dick you’re thinking about right now. You don’t need the fast food or to go to the store. Just sit in the fear Lindsey. Sit in it until you’re no longer triggered by the dark and the unknown. You are okay. You are good. You did good pretty girl. You are smart and wanted. You are bright. You are compassionate. You are needed. You are ok, Lindsey. You are good. You are safe in your own arms. You are good. I got you now. I won’t let the darkness get you. I will be your night light.